Eleveth little lie ♰ This room's gonna be my grave and there's no one who can save me

[beingdifferent]

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[There is nothing that can undo the damage that's been done.

Since Bond's (violation) revelation Esther's clung to what little privacy she has left. As soon as she was given permission to return to her cabin she'd barricaded herself in. The formerly pretty little room is in a shambles now, littered with torn books, ripped clothing, smashed toys, shredded drawings, and broken furniture. She herself fares little better: for days she's been locked in alone, wrestling with tides of rage, fear, and sadness, knowing she can't return to the other passengers. Rorschach's occasional appearances go mostly unacknowledged, and when he checks in on her she says nothing of consequence. Why should she? There's nothing to say.

What she did was perfectly sensible. Someone had power over her; she neutralized the threat. And it's not as if Bond didn't deserve to die. There is some meager comfort in knowing she's hurt him as badly as he's hurt her, but it's nothing compared to the reaction that is sure to face her when she goes out again. A quick overview of Bond's post humiliating her confirms what she suspects. There's astonishment, fear, gloating, revulsion, rage - all the normal emotions a freak inspires.

And they wonder why she said she was a child.

After she reads the messages she destroys her communicator, then smashes it again when it reappears. Then again and again, until she becomes so impatient with the Admiral's game that she shoves it into the back of a drawer. She buries herself in her Bible, refuses food, sleeps too much, ignores the flood announcement and all its effects. But she has to come back out sometime, when the hunger and the impotent anger become too much.

So she puts herself back together. A sponge bath, styled hair, a fresh dress. Makeup, again. Ribbons tied just so around the scars on her wrists and neck. By all appearances a child again. And why not? What are they going to do, accuse her of lying?

The first stop is the mess hall, where she ferrets out a meal and eats in relative silence, staring at the others passing through and minding their own business. When she feels their eyes on her too keenly she slips out and makes her way down to the art room, where she settles down at the piano and flexes her fingers. Then she touches them to the keys and begins playing Prokofiev's sonata no. 7, third movement; appropriately angry, fittingly difficult and treacherous.]

Comments

[soliterraneous]

[ The music catches Aeryn's attention, the way music tends to for someone who is unused to it to begin with. She doesn't have many feelings about Esther's reveal one way or another; she'd no idea really that it mattered what age the girl was to begin with.

Then again, she's human - which came as more of a shock to Aeryn, who'd assumed after the events on the darker version of the barge that Esther was definitely not - so perhaps the importance lies there.

She'd noticed Esther at the mess hall for the first time in a while but had left her well enough alone. Now, she's tempted to ask questions, like what does it matter if they know and why the locket but they are both much too telling, much too close to the things Aeryn concerns herself with.

So instead, when the music finishes, she gives several short claps. The music is played well, Aeryn can tell that much. ]

[beingdifferent]

[Aeryn's is not a face Esther welcomes at the moment. She keenly remembers the woman's stubbornness on the mirror Barge, as well as her hostility since, and despite the polite applause Esther turns with a scowl, prepared for the worst.]

Are you here to belittle me or to laugh?

[soliterraneous]

Neither.

[ She folds her arms across her chest and raises her chin ever so slightly. ]

Is it that important, that they think you a child?

[beingdifferent]

[Aeryn gets the same frustrated, incredulous look that everyone who's queried why gets. It should be obvious. People care about children, or at least most do. They don't care about a grotesque woman. It's been made apparent many times.]

Of course it is.

[soliterraneous]

I don't understand.

[ She folds her arms over her chest. ]

Being a child is not inherently less dangerous. You are what you are.

[beingdifferent]

[Esther looks at Aeryn as if she's just fallen out of the sky, incredulous that anyone would be this clueless.]

Yes it is.

[soliterraneous]

Are humans really that stupid?

[ And then she realizes she just said that aloud. Yes, clearly, they are. ]

I thought you were a vampire like Mal. I thought that's what the locket was about.

[beingdifferent]

Every single one. We're filled to the brim with the scum of existence, and look at how many of them attack children. Name me anything safer to be.

No. That's because you love her.

[soliterraneous]

Yourself. Without fear of anything else.

To not be as you appear is not what makes you a monster.

[ The mention of love has her looking away, shifting her weight so that she leans into the door frame. ]

I do.

Why does that matter?

[beingdifferent]

Clearly humans are not the only ones who are stupid.

[It's the same wistful and baselessly optimistic naivete the rest of the Barge has shown her, if they can be bothered to speak with sympathy.]

It matters. [It matters because she can use it. She isn't letting herself think of how it isn't fair.]

[soliterraneous]

Peacekeeper children are not expected to be less dangerous than adults. Just smaller.

[ Aeryn looks at her for a long moment. ]

Don't. [ Don't what, she doesn't know. ]

You killed Ellie because of Bond.

[beingdifferent]

[She looks back, unblinking, a predator's stare. The same look a lion might fix on a lone antelope when it's already had its fill. Try me.]

So?

[soliterraneous]

[ That, at least, is something Aeryn is comfortable with. She stares back. Death is easier to discuss than love. ]

It seems pointless.

[beingdifferent]

[It's unexpected and Esther laughs, amusement springing from disbelief.] Pointless? Do you really see it that way?

Funny, you struck me as a killer.

[soliterraneous]

[ Aeryn shrugs. She's being honest. ]

When killing means something.

Here?

It's temporary. Humans are set aside by viruses more virulent than a deathtoll.

[beingdifferent]

It helped set his lover aside permanently.

[soliterraneous]

[ Aeryn frowns and thinks about that. ]

Hm.

[beingdifferent]

Was there anything else?

[soliterraneous]

I hope this goes well for you.

But no, there's nothing else.

[ Aeryn will just turn to leave then. ]

[beingdifferent]

That what goes well?

[soliterraneous]

Existing as you are.

[beingdifferent]

[Esther levels a glare at her before turning back to the keys. This time she launches into Stravinsky's Firebird, far too loudly.]