Seventeenth little lie ♰ I got no one left to mourn for me

[beingdifferent]

[Open spam]
[These last few weeks have been grey and listless for Esther, and today is no different. Still debilitatingly self-conscious, she saves her showers for the strangest possible hours, waking at three A.M. to bathe; she keeps her head down during the dinner shift and follows orders directly; she haunts the art room, both painting pieces (these are skilled, furious, sexual, distinctly adult, with nothing childish at all about them) and playing the piano (she has been perfecting her Rachmaninoff obsessively); and wandering through the gardens or hanging around the door to the CES hoping for access.

She hopes for solitude, but many hopes don't pan out.]

[Private to Lydia]
[After the pairing is announced Esther briefly reviews Lydia's posts to the network and steels herself, slipping back into, if not a childlike role, at least a gentle one. There isn't a real point to denying her age with Lydia, though she still presents herself with an infantile appearance; she knows or she doesn't know, and Esther is not worried about either option. When she contacts her new temporary warden, she's sure to be demure and agreeable, making a neutral observation.]

Your name is Lydia? That's very pretty. I'm Esther; pleased to meet you.

Comments

[beingdifferent]

[For her part Esther judges based on accent and voice cadence. She crosses her arms, linen close to her chest, and sighs.]

Not now. I need a shower.

[persecutioncomplex]

[She squints, curling up her nose to try to read Esther's face. It might be a guilty conscience, but she still feels threatened, keeping the curtain pinned tightly to the wall.]

Why now? No one's supposed to be here at this time of night.

[beingdifferent]

Because no one's supposed to be here.

[You're ruining it for her, Touko.]

wow such late very something

[persecutioncomplex]

[NO YOU'RE RUINING IT FOR HER]

And you want to make sure no one's here? [There are many reasons public bathrooms aren't emotionally safe, so maybe she understands.]

[beingdifferent]

Of course. Isn't that what you're doing?

[persecutioncomplex]

[She flails an arm behind her to shut off the water in expectation of a full-length debate.]

I have enough enemies. You don't.

[beingdifferent]

It's witnesses I don't want.

[persecutioncomplex]

[Safety is Touko's excuse for being here so late, but it isn't the kind of safety she's trying to convince Esther of. Once she's in the shower, her clothes go in a plastic bag so the only parts of her anyone ever sees are her face and hands, and her keys hang across the curtain as a final warning and a weapon of last resort. She can't ask for a better arrangement, so has to make it herself.]

They're the same.