beingdifferent: (and so misunderstood)
Esther Coleman ([personal profile] beingdifferent) wrote2014-05-30 07:55 pm

Seventeenth little lie ♰ I got no one left to mourn for me

[Open spam]
[These last few weeks have been grey and listless for Esther, and today is no different. Still debilitatingly self-conscious, she saves her showers for the strangest possible hours, waking at three A.M. to bathe; she keeps her head down during the dinner shift and follows orders directly; she haunts the art room, both painting pieces (these are skilled, furious, sexual, distinctly adult, with nothing childish at all about them) and playing the piano (she has been perfecting her Rachmaninoff obsessively); and wandering through the gardens or hanging around the door to the CES hoping for access.

She hopes for solitude, but many hopes don't pan out.
]

[Private to Lydia]
[After the pairing is announced Esther briefly reviews Lydia's posts to the network and steels herself, slipping back into, if not a childlike role, at least a gentle one. There isn't a real point to denying her age with Lydia, though she still presents herself with an infantile appearance; she knows or she doesn't know, and Esther is not worried about either option. When she contacts her new temporary warden, she's sure to be demure and agreeable, making a neutral observation.]

Your name is Lydia? That's very pretty. I'm Esther; pleased to meet you.
lydiascreams: (Neutral smile looking up)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-02 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
[While Lydia will look like she believes her completely the entire time, she won't just accept information. She's always been very good at reading people. That's how she became as popular back home as she did. Especially with guys. She knows exactly who to be to get others to like ans trust her.

So she nods and smiles at Esther's request. She's hiding something.]


Nothing much. I vaguely remember you being upset after we came back from the mirror barge, but I was in the infirmary for a while, so I'm not sure what exactly happened.

That and what you just told me.
lydiascreams: (Staring neutral smile mock)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-04 12:15 am (UTC)(link)
[Lydia certainly plans on asking other Wardens about Esther. Considering she doesn't have her files, going in blindly can be dangerous. But she shakes her head and continues to smile at the girl]

I rather not. You see, back home, if you asked people who I am, most of them would paint you a very superficial picture of me. One that doesn't even begin to describe the real me. Not even my parents really know me. So I would rather have you tell me anything you're comfortable with.
lydiascreams: (Neutral stare sideways hiding)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-05 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
I can. One of the things people would get wrong about me the most is that they would think I'm pretty vapid and shallow but I'm really not. I just tend to act that way.

[She manages to keep her expression neutral as she listens to Esther.]

How old are you? And what happened to your father?
lydiascreams: (neutral stare thoughtful open)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-05 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
I actually have a genius level IQ. And I love science. Especially chemistry.

[She's shocked at that information, though if her eyes widen in surprise, it's brief.]

Really? I wouldn't have guessed. Do you want people to think you're younger, Esther?
lydiascreams: (Lost in thought staring neutral scared)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-05 07:21 pm (UTC)(link)
I like the certainty of it. As long as you use the right ingredients, it always works. The results are always the same. It's reliable. Like math.

What makes you say it's safer? [The say she dresses herself, she certainly seems to be wanting to keep up with that image and Lydia wonders if it has to do with her dad.]
lydiascreams: (Neutral glance upset hiding)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-05 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Do you have anything that interests you in particular?

[It's upsetting that Esther feels the need to fake her own age by so much to protect herself and her answer pretty much confirms Lydia's suspicions.]

What if you were somewhere you felt safe enough? Would you be comfortable embracing your own age?
lydiascreams: (mock questioning thoughtful neutral)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-06 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
I really love drawing, maybe we can do that together sometime?

[Because even if she's thirty three, if she's spent all her life pretending to be a child, then maybe she doesn't even know what it is like to be treated as an adult.]

If I felt safe? Yeah. But I can't pretend to know all the reasons you choose not to.
lydiascreams: (Hmm soft smile)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-06 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
I don't usually set out to draw anything in particular. I just go with the flow.

[And sometimes the drawings turn out to be messages she's getting as a banshee, so she is very careful to keep an eye out for those. But her focus is Esther, not herself.]

We have time, we definitely don't have to talk about it today. Is there something in particular you'd like to talk about?
lydiascreams: (Focused thoughtful smile)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-07 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
If I'm just doodling, I can do it from memory but I usually prefer to have a model. That sounds good to me.

Sure. I'm from Beacon Hills, in California. It's a pretty small town close to San Francisco. I've lived there my whole life.
lydiascreams: (Default)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-12 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
It's nice. It's pretty small so we don't always have a lot to do, but that's not always bad.

Where are you from?
lydiascreams: (Neutral smile looking up)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-13 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
Really? Russia?

How did you like those places?
lydiascreams: (Looking up watching neutral)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-14 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
I do. I mean, I understand what you mean. [Beacon Hills is the only home she's ever known after all.]

What do you think they lacked?
lydiascreams: (worried open questioning upset neutral)

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-15 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
If you found that here, do you think it'd help?

[Private]

[personal profile] lydiascreams - 2014-06-18 02:29 (UTC) - Expand